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| Confusing "its" and "it's" is one of the most common mistakes I see in amateur writing He'd finally gotten the recognition he deserved End of story ) The So, just to make sure you understand, here are some more examples of plural possessive: Dave often watched his Other examples are: would + not = wouldn't they + will = they'll let + us = let's Did you catch that last one? Good Once again, But then someone decided they wanted to write this: Betty sucked the cock So here's what I'm going to do There's no messing with the contraction rule; it's concrete From now on, my job as contraction is going to take precedence over my job as a possessive When this "its" situation came up he didn't know what to do (The videos belong to BOTH parents I show up every damn day doing the job of two punctuation marks while those slackers the Question Mark and the Exclamation Point sit around all fucking day with almost nothing to do " Then management, in its mysterious wisdom, gave the Apostrophe his other job and said, "Now you also need to be there when something belongs to someone As often happens when someone does their job extremely well, management decided the Apostrophe needed something else to do I will try to explain the difference between these two words so that you'll never again have to wonder if you used the correct one If the item in question belongs to more than one person, put the apostrophe at the end of the word " All pissed off now, the Apostrophe went to his boss and blew his stack "You know," said the Apostrophe, "I've given my all for this company The apostrophe said to himself, "If I appear in the word 'its,' people might think I'm there doing my job as a contraction and not as a possessive This is where it gets a tiny bit tricky I thought I was reading a story about a threesome! What the fuck?" Best not to anger or confuse your readers " Because he needed this job, the poor apostrophe sighed and said, "Okay Soon after, the Apostrophe's wife got new tits AND a tummy-tuck and they lived happily ever after A contraction is when two words are smashed together to form one word Working with contractions was the job I was hired to do first anyway! So write a little memo or whatever and let everyone know what's going on, because I've had it Now, back to my story :) They decided that, not only would the Apostrophe appear every time there was a contraction, he should now also show possession of something Long ago the Apostrophe got a job filling in for missing letters wherever there was a contraction "So now, this whole 'its' problem comes up and I have no idea what you people want me to do about it Let me tell you a story THIS is the situation where the apostrophe is forced to go after the s, otherwise everyone gets all confused " For a while, everything was fine and dandy Hell no For example, if the cock belongs to Joe, you write: Joe's cock Other examples: Jane's luscious tits the Master's whip Daddy's girl Charles's buttocks Now, you might ask, "What happens if the dildo belongs to Tracy and Stacy the lesbians? Do I write, "the lesbian's dildo?" No If you put the apostrophe before the s, people start thinking, "Wait a second! I thought there were TWO lesbians ) The sultan adored fucking his You might be tempted to lay all the blame for your confusion on the apostrophe, but it's not really the apostrophe's fault But I'm forgetting my story again (We're talking about more than one wife "It's" = it + is or it + has "Its" should indicate possession " Because the Apostrophe did indeed have a spotless record, his boss accepted his decision and upon reviewing his file, even gave him a promotion Let's recap 'It is tip touched the back of her throat…' That doesn't even make sense! And of course, everyone will blame me for the screw up And as for the Apostrophe, he was thrilled Now, the poor apostrophe had been working his ass off going from possessive to contraction and back again But not me We're now in the crazy land of plural possessives For example when you put "does" and "not" together, you squish out the "o" and you get "doesn't So, I hope that clears things up for you |
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